WIDW: That’s how you give him a bath?

What I Did Wrong is a little glimpse in to being a Noob Dad based on how many things you suck at according to your wife.  I was given the responsibility of giving our two year old son his bath one evening.  I have been cleaning myself for a number of years and think i have the process pretty well mastered. However, bathing a 2 year old in a tub requires some sort specialized training or certification program.  I will now recount the number of things I did incorrectly.

1. You call that a bubble bath??  Those bubbles suck!
2. Why do you wet his head like that?  You are getting water in his eyes.
3. Is that how you are going to wash his hair? Why are you using so much soap?
4. Let him enjoy the bath..don’t just clean him and take him out!
5. Why are you using that towel to dry him off?  That is only for his hair.
6. Did you lotion him up?  Well you have to put lotion on him or he will have dry skin like you dumbass!
7. Those pajamas? Don’t you know he doesn’t like those pajamas?  (Don’t do what I did and ask if he doesn’t like them why are they in the pile of pajamas because that will cause a big argument)