Noob Dad Christmas Gift Guide: The Stuff We Actually Want

Year after year, dads get some pretty lame gifts from some nitwit with good intentions. Why is it so hard for grandma to realize that I know absolutely nothing about cars and that the only thing that torque wrench is good for is a paperweight? On behalf of dads across the nation, I boldly proclaim that now is the time we shall make our requests known so as to avoid another pair of socks, stupid tie, or standard definition dvd being wrapped and tossed under our tree. Check out these five gifts that would make any dad happy and then send the link to anyone who might buy you a gift this Christmas.

 

SodaStream

Let’s face it, we consume way more pop, or soda depending on where you’re from,  in a month than we should in a year. All that high fructose corn syrup, sugar, preservatives – not to mention aspartame when you pop the top on a diet cola. Soda Stream offers over 30 flavors to cho0se from(including an energy drink), in addition to their teas and sparkling waters.

Here’s why dads love it: no high fructose corn syrup, less sugar than name brand counterparts, easy to use, and best of all, it’s affordable!  All you do is fill the bottle to the fill line, attach to the machine, press the carbonation button a few times then add the flavor you desire and you’re all set. One $5 bottle of SodaStream flavor mix will give you 33 cans of pop which is a huge savings, especially during football season. If you still aren’t convinced, just picture all those cans and bottles that won’t be polluting our landfills because you made you drinks at home. We’ve been using this for awhile now and have been amazed at how much fun it is to make our own drinks. Tastes good and is a breeze to clean up. Buy one here today!

The Brick Bible

Over the past ten years, Brenden Powell Smith has created over 400 Bible stories using over 4,500 LEGO illustrations.  All of these can be found on his site  Brick Testament and now you can get the collection from Genesis through Chronicles in book form. What little boy growing up didn’t love LEGOS? I mean, come on… these things are great! Even if you aren’t overly religious, it’s hard not to appreciate the craftsmanship and art that is inside these pages. From the pew warmer to the geek dad, this book is the perfect gift. All 271 pages are filled with (mostly) true-to-the-text passages accompanying the fabulous photos thousands have grown to love. Don’t be surprised if you open it up just to check out the pics and discover that two hours have passed you by as you thoroughly get caught up in the story of the Old Testament. Buy your copy today.

Hot Rod Heated Travel Mug

You get out of the shower with barley enough time to eat breakfast (if you’re lucky) Then you make some coffee to go and head out the door to that soul crushing excuse for a day job. What could possibly make life more miserable?Cold coffee. By the time you scrape the ice off the windshield and finally get the feeling back in your fingers so that you can actually hold your “insulated” travel mug, your favorite cup of java is as about as warm as father-in-laws smile. Yikes! Thankfully, our good friends at Think Geek have come to our aid once again.

Fellas, I introduce to you the Hot Rod Heated Travel Mug. Simply plug the cup into your power port or cigarette lighter (like anyone uses those things anymore) and you’ve got yourself a hot cup of brew every time. Don’t worry about getting it too hot if you’re commute is longer than the line at the DMV, just keep an eye on your temperature gauge (yes, it really has one) and switch off the power once you’re satisfied with how hot it is. It hasn’t ever let me down and now all my days at work start the right way – with hot coffee. Be sure your aunt knows she can get you one here.

Larry in Wonderland

As a red-blooded American man, chances are that you like to read something when you’re going potty. That’s why this collection of ‘Pearls Before Swine’ comics made the list. ‘Larry in Wonderland’ by Stephan Pastis holds includes one of my all-time favorite comics ever, always delivers the comedy, and is sure to help you lose weight too.(because laughing burns calories, duh). The way in which Pastis strings together lines and connects the audience with the characters is amazing. Flush after flush, this book will make your daily constitutional that much more productive as you learn about a the disadvantages of having a pirate for a dry cleaner, the new group that hates our freedom (Hint: They’re on the mooooove.), and how much weight you can put on before you are “encouraged” to update your facebook photo. Tell her brother he can get you and him a copy on Amazon for less than a 12 pack.

Uncharted 3, Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3, or Battlefield 3

Between Christmas and New Year’s, we get a couple of extra days off of work… and not all of us want to be watching another football game. Instead, we’d rather pop in our favorite blockbuster action game and do what we’re too spineless to do in real life – defend and protect the weak and innocent. Seriously guys, if you haven’t already bought this for yourself, then make sure someone knows that you need want one of these games. If you don’t get something you want for for Christmas, you’ll have to man up and blame yourself for not making your wish list know to the world.

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