The Wake Up Call

I had heard of kids that learned to escape from a crib and scare the hell out of slumbering parents, but our son wasn’t willing to take the climb out of the cage.  However, since he was getting a bit bold we decided to convert his crib to a toddler bed.  We had also heard the strange rumor that when a child is a trouble sleeper the conversion to a toddler bed can sometimes make bedtime a much easier process.  Well that was a freakin’ rumor based on the same solid foundation as a Kim Kardashian marriage.

We installed an alarm system in our place because we have a fire escape outside one of windows and a terrace so I am pretty comfortable with our security.  I have convinced myself an axe wielding maniac will not come running into our room.  What I wasn’t prepared for though was the first few days of toddler bed time with 3AM or 4AM wake up calls as our son threw open his door with some serious purpose, came charging into our room calling for mommy, climbing on the bed, and bashing me square in the groin – do all kids get together and discuss how to cripple daddy with shots to the groin?   So now my once peaceful sleep – as peaceful as it gets with a toddler – was history . I am on edge all night waiting for the door to open, listening for those little footsteps, and protecting my groin.  I can’t wait for him to start sleeping 12 – 18 hours a day, but from what I recall from childhood that happens when he is a teenager.  By that time I’ll be yelling him to get his lazy spoiled ass out of bed so he can mow the lawn and wash my car – why do you think i had a kid in the first place?