A is for Always carry wet wipes, you’ll thank me later.
B is for “Because I said so.”
C is for Classic Cartoons. Don’t let them grow up not knowing about The Flintstones, Jetsons, Looney Toons, or Anamaniacs.
D is for Damage Control. You’re kids will undoubtedly say the darndest things at the worst possible times.
E is for Exersaucer. Get one.
F is for Five Fantastic Things: Faith, Family, Friends, Fighting and Football
G is for Grandparents: America’s #1 free babysitter.
H is for Hero. Be a dad worth looking up to.
I is for Ice cream: great for dessert, rewards, and bribes.
J is for Just in case: From condoms back in college to diapers and a change of clothes when running to 7-11.
K is for KEEP HER OFF THE POLE! By any means necessary.
L is for Lack of sleep – get used to it.
M is for Milf. We should all be so lucky to wake up next to one.
N is for Ninja Sex. Because God knows that if either of you make one little noise it’s all over.
O is for Oreos. You must teach your kids the proper dunking method.
P is for Privacy. Wait, what’s that?
Q is for ‘Quality over Quantity’. From toys to clothes to family vacations, always choose quality.
R is for Refereeing. If you have more than one kid you know exactly what I’m talking about.
S is for Spying. With all of the dangers out there, you’re darn right I’m gonna be spying on my kids.
T is for Take time for yourself. Your wife and kids will like being around you much more if you’re happy.
U is for Umpteenth; the number of times you’ll have to tell the kids to get back in bed or clean their room.
V is for Vasectomy. This is a milestone of maturity and sadomasochism.
W is for Western Union, because sometimes Life throws a curve ball. Thanks dad!
X is for X-Factor. It’s the thing that separates your kid from all the others.
Y is for Yard work. It can wait. Take the family to the park.
Z is for zero; the amount your bank account will hold after the 1st year buying diapers.