ABC’s of Fatherhood

This one’s pretty self explanatory: The ABC’s of Fatherhood is just that.


A is for Always carry wet wipes, you’ll thank me later.

B is for “Because I said so.”

C is for Classic Cartoons. Don’t let them grow up not knowing about The Flintstones, Jetsons, Looney Toons, or Anamaniacs.

D is for Damage Control. You’re kids will undoubtedly say the darndest things at the worst possible times.

E is for Exersaucer. Get one.

F is for Five Fantastic Things: Faith, Family, Friends, Fighting and Football

G is for Grandparents: America’s #1 free babysitter.

H is for Hero. Be a dad worth looking up to.

I is for Ice cream: great for dessert, rewards, and bribes.

J is for Just in case: From condoms back in college to diapers and a change of clothes when running to 7-11.

K is for KEEP HER OFF THE POLE! By any means necessary.

L is for Lack of sleep – get used to it.

M is for Milf. We should all be so lucky to wake up next to one.

N is for Ninja Sex. Because God knows that if either of you make one little noise it’s all over.

O is for Oreos. You must teach your kids the proper dunking method.

P is for Privacy. Wait, what’s that?

Q is for ‘Quality over Quantity’. From toys to clothes to family vacations, always choose quality.

R is for Refereeing. If you have more than one kid you know exactly what I’m talking about.

S is for Spying. With all of the dangers out there, you’re darn right I’m gonna be spying on my kids.

T is for Take time for yourself. Your wife and kids will like being around you much more if you’re happy.

U is for Umpteenth; the number of times you’ll have to tell the kids to get back in bed or clean their room.

V is for Vasectomy. This is a milestone of maturity and sadomasochism.

W is for Western Union, because sometimes Life throws a curve ball. Thanks dad!

X is for X-Factor. It’s the thing that separates your kid from all the others.

Y is for Yard work. It can wait. Take the family to the park.

Z is for zero; the amount your bank account will hold after the 1st year buying diapers.

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