I Hate Thomas the Train

9 Jan

I understand that Thomas the Train and all of his friends on Sodor are a beloved institution.  That shows have been voice by some legendary names, George Carlin, Ringo Starr, and Alec Baldwin, but I have had enough of that blue idiot.  Every episode is the same thing.  Thomas or one of his buddies are told to do a simple task – drop off mail, pick up someone, go stare at a cow – and without fail the engines decide they have a better plan.  They roll off with a completely different agenda while their conductor stares on like a moron.  You know what happens next right?  Yep the train screws up big time, fails to complete their original task, and has to tell that fat man that they will make it all right and be a what – A Useful Engine.  Well if they had done their job correctly and followed instructions they would be useful.  The show basically teaches kids to ignore their parents, do whatever they want, and once hey screw up say oopps.

To make it more enjoyable my son has received enough Thomas gear to start a small toy store in our two bedroom apartment.  We have wooden trains, plastic trains, battery powered train, train pillows, sheets, shirts, bridges, tracks, noise making books, wall clings, and who knows what else lying around.  The ones that make noise are enough to drive a man crazy, but the ones that don’t make noise my son wants me to move around so he can watch them and dictate what i am doing wrong. Right now it is 11:15 PM, he won’t sleep, is shining a red light at a Thomas engine, which it follows, while saying his usual stupid saying.  Fireboxes, useful engine, blah blah blah.  If I could go back in time I would have banned that damn train from this house!

Who else has a toy they can’t stand?  A doll that freaks them out?  I know there are more of you out there like me…I will pray for you.


One Response to “I Hate Thomas the Train”

  1. Daniel Coffman January 9, 2012 at 11:40 pm #

    My kids are a preteen and teenager now, but back in the day relatives were always buying them musical or talking toys. Grrrr!

    The worst was a talking Big Bird. He was light activated via his eyes. If suddenly exposed to light, say by covering them and pulling your hand away, he’d say “Peekaboo!” or some other annoying phrase, very loudly.

    There was no “off” switch.

    My mother-in-law, who bought it for my then two-year-old, insisted it was cute. When vising her one day, I “accidentally” left it at her house… two hours away. When she came to visit a few weeks later, she brought it with her. The entire trip, every time the light pattern inside her van shifted, it yelled “Peekaboo” or one of the other two phrases.

    By the time she got to our place, she insisted we throw it away.