Face it, we’re all suckers for making New Year’s Resolutions, even if only to have something to talk about at the water cooler. Your desire to follow through with the foolish claims we made regarding your waistline and financial well being is no more real than Kim Kardashian’s chest. No matter how you slice it, after few weeks you’ll forget the list you made in an inebriated stupor and never come close to hitting the mark. What’s worse is that the kids are watching you set a terrible example that will inevitably come back to bite you when you moan about them wanting to quit playing the saxophone. We can’t convince you to not make any resolutions for 2012, but that won’t stop us from warning you about the three worst New Year’s Resolutions parents make.
1.) Join a Gym – There’s not enough time to clean out your dvr as it is and now you’re going to join a gym? Good luck! Why do you care about this so much anyway? You’ll never look like the photoshopped guy on that infomercial with the way you eat anyway. Besides, bumping into that 80 year old guy who insists on walking around the locker room nude is much more detrimental to your heath than an extra five pounds.
2.) Quit (fill-in-the-blank) – Regardless of what it is you decide to stop doing, rest assured that some poor sap will lose their job because of it. You don’t want that on your conscience, do you? Instead, you should probably start (fill-in-the-blank) even more. Think about all of the jobs you’ll create when Jack and Jim struggle to keep up with you and your vices. Now that’s the American way!
3.) Get Out of Debt – This is the second most popular resolution every year, and for good reason – no one ever succeeds at it! Sure, this looks nice on paper and it sounds quite awesome out loud. But when your wife is enjoying the UPS guy’s package while you burn the midnight oil just to make an extra buck, you’ll wish you hadn’t cared as much about your outstanding credit. You know… kinda like the US government.